Elizabeth Taylor comparison-product of a lot of reading

Hello Followers!:)

Sorry I havent been recording my adventures in Chicago.
So I was talking to my friend Megan today who I went to high school with and she has decided to write a book. I think this is a great idea for her because she is a brilliant writer. It is actually something I have always wanted to do as well, so all this talk about it inspired me to write tonight. Initially when I started writing it was very light subject matter but then I realized I had some deep thoughts that were just pouring onto the page. The following text may or may not be very interesting to you but what the heck, ill just throw it out there.

I am reading the life story of Elizabeth Taylor and it is fascinating. She has such a fabulous but tragic life. She was definitely a person of extremes. This reminds me of myself in a sense. Not the rich part, but the range of emotions that she experienced. Her self image and happiness was dependent on how people she loved viewed her. This is where I can relate.

One of the things Elizabeth was known for was getting her way. She acknowledges the fact that she has lived an extravagent lifestyle, but she also has the mentality that if you want something bad enough you can have it. I did not grow up living an extravagent lifestyle by any means but I do agree that you can have what you want if you work hard enough for it. Of course luck and karma are also involved, but basically if you set your mind to something it can happen. Hence, the fact that I was unhappy with my life/career path in Memphis, and managed to move away by coming to Chicago several weeks ago. I came here to pursue my dream of working for a magazine or public relations firm. Things are not happening as fast as I would like, but I think God is trying to teach me that things will happen in his time, not mine. So my fast paced lifestyle has come to a screeching halt as I havent worked in almost a month. I have taken this time to read/reflect/search for direction in my life.

During the day, I think about work and what I am going to do next, but at night I usually read and it makes me think about other parts of my life.

A recurring theme in Elizabeth's life is " Will I ever find love again?" This is something I think all women ask, well atleast I do. The answer "I think so, but I dont know so" is a scary thought. The process can be so painful that I question "is it worth wasting my life dealing with stupid men drama when I can be contributing to the betterment of my own life or someone else's?" But other times, more often than not, the answer is yes, damn it, i want a fairytale:)

Elizabeth claims she has had 2 TRUE loves in her life, but her rollercoaster pursuit of this love resulted in many marriages and several children. Even though she seemed to have everything at her disposal and she was widely agreed to be the most beautiful woman of her time, she was very vulnerable to depression and physical sickness (speculated to be caused by her emotional distress.)

The interesting thing about Elizabeth is that she never looked back in time. This could be a good and bad thing. It was good in the sense that she was always ready to try new things and take on new roles (in movies and her life.) However, she never took the time to reflect on past choices or mistakes so ultimately she kept repeating them.

How the heck do I relate to Elizabeth Taylor you are wondering? Well this month I have had a lot of time to think. The quiet is really weird for me because I am not used to having time for myself. In the past decade, I have barely had time to just eat and sleep, but now that I have physically moved into a new place and distanced myself from all distractions, including work. ....I have plenty of time to analyze my past and hopes for the future. This quiet time has mostly been peaceful, but some moments have been lonely and disturbing.

All this deep reflection has made me wonder...have I ever truly loved?!?!

I have been romanced, infatuated, and had some deep friendships, but never all in one. All aspects have come from different men. I have my best "guy friends" that I continue to rely on for emotional stability and support and I have had those that do quite the opposite.

TRUE love. I doubt it. Upon reflection, I havent honestly given my heart to anyone because somewhere in my subconcious, I knew I had not met the right person. I tried to convince myself during 2 serious relationships that yes, someday I could see a future with this person. Each of these "loves" and I got along well and everyone liked us together (or so i thought in my naive mind.) But each time, somewhere deep down, i knew it wasnt right and I knew that I had bigger plans in store for me. Ironically, these two people also knew that. In both cases, I am certain they knew it before I did. But due to my emotional immaturity at the time, I didnt realize that was the case. Each ending was hard and I interpreted the rejection as something must be wrong with me. My insecurities rose to a new level each time, and led me to continue comparing myself to the new love interests of each ex. Obviously, I was not skinny enough, pretty enough, or any fun if I had let them fall out of love with me is what my extreme emotional mind told me. In both cases I had been friends with the girls that they left me for (or so I believed), so this also contributed to my complexes. I came to believe that women can be just as hurtful (if not more) toward other women as men can. This has caused a lot of distrust and issues with people I have since then attempted to date.

Because I had these inferiority complexes, I wanted to "fix" myself. After my first heartbreak, I lost a lot of weight and immersed myself in work and school activities while enrolled full time in college. Instead of getting much needed sleep at night, I proceeded to party to the point of exhaustion. I just couldnt bear the thought of being left out. I tried to take "being fun" to a new level and found myself in situations it would be an understatement to describe as "unhealthy."

Then I met the second "love." This person was good to me and helped me regain a sense of self esteem but I was still so swamped with work and school and unconciously wasnt healed from the first heartbreak so things just didnt work out. In reality, it wasnt one person's fault, but it still hurt.

There was never any doubt that I cared a great deal about my relationships, there was always just doubt that they would last forever (hello...i was WAY young). My self fulfilling prophecy came true each time. One thing I have learned in my 24, almost 25 years is that just because something doesnt work out doesnt mean that either person is a bad person. After my first heartbreak, the rejection hit so deep that I never fully recovered before dating again. It made me feel better to think of this person as "cruel" or "bad" to rationalize the situation. Why would I want to be with a "bad" person anyway? was a mantra that temporarily helped me to heal. At that time, I thought I was a "better" person or a "good" person because I had been faithful . Now I realize that Love is a funny thing. Our feelings do not necessarily match our logic. I no longer want to think of myself as a victim of these two heartbreaks and in all fairness, must say they were fun while they lasted. I have no regrets and still highly regard my last love as a good person. I hope the best for anyone I have ever been involved with as they have all shaped me into a stronger person. Unlike Elizabeth Taylor, I want to prevent repeating the same mistakes, and develop a stronger sense of self so I will be able to make better decisions in the future, ones that are not based on pure feeling or how I think I will be viewed socially.

In the meantime, I will continue reading my self help books and strive to be the best person I can. Maybe when I have completed this self journey, God will bless me with someone that I can share my life with, but until then, I will enjoy the company of my WONDERFUL friends and family and not worry about it too much.

Now I just need a job...because I'm pretty sure everyone, including JMO and Elizabeth Taylor, would agree "that is what is best for me!!" :)

Just follow the noise

I came back to Dublin on Sunday July 12 and started class that evening so it's been awhile since I've had a moment to get on here and post about Ireland...let me catch you up

When I arrived back from London, I met Emily, Kristen, and Kim at Trinity College to spend the afternoon in city centre. We enjoyed our afternoon a bit too much and loved watching gaelic football at The Temple Bar--yes we were tourists for the day.

All of last week I had policy design and analysis class...I won't bore you with details about class. On Wednesday, a group of us went to irishtown...just southeast of city centre to run a 5k race. Back in April, Emily brought up the idea of finding a race since we're training for the Chicago half in September. Well, we found a race. We emailed the race director because we couldn't find out how to sign up online. On Wednesday, we found out why. We ran the Dublin City Council 5k hosted by the BHAA. Running isn't quite the sport here in Ireland. Most runners are good runners here...The pace around 5-7:30 min/mile. So, here we are 8 of us from DePaul here for a little fun run. Running the 5k is one of my favorite memories from my trip. Charlie, the race director was so hospitable. He introduced us about 7 times to all the runners as the internationals from Chicago....I think people were just excited to see new faces. Afterwards, they gave us a little present for coming and continued to thank us. Charlie invited us to come to any races the next time we're in Ireland.

After class on Friday, we went to the Guiness Storehouse. It was a bit too commercialized for me but still really cool to see. The view from the 7th floor was awesome--it looked out at all of Dublin. Saturday morning we caught an early train to see bunratty castle, cliffs of moher, galway bay, burren bay, and galway city centre. The castle was awesome to see. I'm not sure if I could live in a castle and climb the staircases all the time...a bit to cramped for me. Seeing the Cliffs was amazing. The weather was rainy and foggy but when we arrived at the cliffs the rain quit while we were there. It was such a magnificent site. One of the most memorable parts from the trip was our drive around Galway Bay. We got to see gravesites from the famine. The famine graves are mass graves marked by blank stones. Seeing the amount of famine graves made the devastation that occurred a little more real for me and also grateful that my ancestors survived.

One of the funniest moments from the trip was waiting to leave Galway City Centre. We stocked up on food prior to leaving for the day so we wouldn't spend to much on our trip. While in Galway we bought pringles and nutella. We also had biscuits, blackberries, bananas, snap peas, and fiber one bars. The 4 of us had only been on the train about 5 minutes when our tour guide came by to say hello. No words came out of his mouth first. He stared at our table...I think in disbelief at the mess we made in 5 mintues of being on the train. The food was everywhere on the table and we were laughing so hard...probably from one of Emily's sarcastic comments....that one would think this mess occurred over a period of time. He smiled at us and asked if we were doing alright and told us that the food cart would be around shortly if we needed more food....I think at this point Kim was dipping snap peas in nutella.

We arrived back in Dublin and our bus driver dropped us off across the street from Temple Bar Area...so our night began. To sum up the night...we started at Quay's at 9:30pm, eventually made our way to Oliver St. John's where a polish guy started irish dancing...thinking he was good. We quickly made friends with the band playing and after he finished dancing they played a jig Kristen could dance too...well this led to a dance off with the polish guy...Kristen won of course but ended the night with a fractured foot...overall, it was a great end to a wonderful day.

Sunday night I began my leadership and management class. The past few nights have been easy nights. We all went out on Monday for a classmate's birthday and yesterday evening I went for a long run down by the port and worked on policy homework.

Tonight, Emily and I went to go see a gaelic football match. We walked up the street to watch the Na Finna girls play. I know the basic rules of the game...courtsey of my irish classmates...but still don't understand everything about it. It is a neat sport to watch and requires a high skill level. While standing at the pitch watching, Emily and I heard loud chanting so we decided to follow it and see where it would take us.

We stumbled upon a semi-professional soccer match between Bohemian FC- the oldest football club in Ireland and the Red Bull Slazburg. This was a qualifier match for the Uefa Champions League. Emily and I power walked it around the stadium trying to find a way in....when we asked one guy how to get in he asked us why and where were we from....eventually we found a nice guard to let us in...after being asked the same questions again...once inside we understood....you could probably count the number of girls in the stadium on two hands and I think because we were American at a local football club. Anyways, it was incredible inside the stadium...the energy, remarks from the fans, and the spirit was awesome. The Bohemians won the game which we later learned was huge because they had a draw with Salzburg last week away.

Being at the football match tonight is one of my top memories from Ireland.

You never know what you'll come upon when you just follow the noise...I have 4 days left in Ireland. I'm quite sad to be leaving on Sunday but I know I need to come home.

I'm traveling to Belfast on Saturday to meet with the executive director of DePaul Ireland for a paper I have to do for my leadership and management class. So, I hope to have some posts about seeing Belfast and the end of my travels...

keep following the noise...

EIRE

I noticed Michelle has yet to post a blog about her adventures in Chicago...hopefully she will soon cause I'm sure she's got some good stories for you.

My trip started out with 4 days in Donegal....in Derry County, staying on the Peoples farm in Shroove in Greencastle. It was absolutely magnificant. From the kitchen window in John and Jessica's home you could see across to Northern Ireland, to your left Scotland, and to you right the Bay. It was so delightful to wake up every morning to the countryside and have it be so quiet. I enjoy living in a city but the break from the noises of the city was wonderful.

We spent the 4 days exploring Derry County. We saw Portadoris, which is a hidden bay back along the coast of Derry. We got to walk along a narrow trail on the hills through overgrown ferns to reach Portadoris. There's a rock beach when you enter the bay with the best stones to skip rocks on the water. After seeing Portadoris, we drove around Greencastle to see the fishing docks, boats and the Maritime Museum. The Maritime Museum has a library where it keeps records of those who left Ireland for North America. I stopped in to see if my great-grandfather would be listed but found out that a few years back the records were moved to another maritime museum further south. I was quite bummed but the lady at the museum told me that he most likely left out of Donegal because a lot of pepple from Mayo traveled North to leave--so maybe there is a chance that he did leave from Donegal.

One of the coolest parts of Derry, besides the scenery, is all the history. There are a lot of WWII forts left standing that the Irish occupied to protect themselves during WWII and when they fought the Brisith for their independence. On each side of the bay, there are forts parallel from each other so the Irish could destroy the British ships as the came into the port and used for protection during WWII. We traveled further North the Malin Head. Malin Head is the northern most point in Ireland. The Irish painted stones white and spelt out EIRE with the stones so that planes flying overhead wouldn't bomb Ireland during WWII. There are two forts left standing that the Irish used for protection.

Another favorite spot from this trip is 5-finger strand. It's a beach by Malin head and across from it the land cuts out in 5 places,r esembling a hand. This beach wraps around to the 5-finger strand and dumps out into the Atlantic up north. It also has great rocks for skipping and the softest sand ever. It's a very peaceful and lovely beach.

After Malin Head, we ate dinner in the town of Malin and listened to traditional Irish music played by the dad and sons of the family who own the bar. In Malin, we also saw some traditional Irish houses with the thatched roofs still intact and also some old famine houses. The Irish definitly built things to last. About 1-2 feet below the ground is rock. So, the Irish would dig until they hit rock and use the rock they could get to make bricks for their homes. They would also haul back the pebbles from the beaches that appeared from the water erroding away and grind them together to make bricks. You don't see much siding on the houses around Ireland.

Spending time in Donegal was the best way to start off my trip...when I left I wished I had more time to spend there...walking about in such a beautiful place was rejunvenating and peaceful. I'll be back to Ireland on Sunday though...

I'll write about London and Paris at a later time.

EIRE blog

I realized I didn't post at all while in Donegal. I'll do that soon so you can read about all the fun things I learned while spending time in the countryside.

Another language...

Ashley and I arrived in Paris on Tuesday afternoon after a full day of traveling. We left Donegal around 8:00am, had a layover in Dublin, and flew to Paris around 2:00pm. We arrived in Paris not knowing what to expect, much less an idea of how we would manage to get around.

We successfully got ourselves out of the airport and on the right trains to find our hotel. It'll only took us about an hour to figure every thing out and travel. I'd say we did pretty well for not speaking French very well. Last evening we walked around the neighborhood our hotel is in and had our first experience of ordering food.

We didn't think to bring our French dictionary, that we conviently picked up in the Dublin Aerport. So, we were on our own with the limited phrases we remembered and my limited rememberance from learing French in grade school. We enjoyed delicious crepes and deserts at a quaint little resturant up the street from our hotel. Our waitress was very nice and patient with us as we attempted to communicate with her on the food we wanted.

Today, we ventured out to find the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, and other tourist spots. We didn't make any plans before we came to do tourist things except to see the Eiffel Tower but we decided this morning that it would be a good thing for us to do a hop-on-hop-off bus or boat tour to assist us in acclimating around the city. We decided to do the boat and had a wonderful time. We spent about 8.5 hours walking around and using the boat to get from one place to another.

Our funniest moment from today is when we went to visit Notre Dame. As we waited in line, I got the hiccups. I figured I would be alright and they'd go away soon. Well, as we walked around Notre Dame I still had the hiccups, so I was trying not to hiccup to loud. At one point, someone got on the speaker system and gave instructions (in French of course) for everyone to be silent and the started "shhhhing" over the speaker system. Well, it got real quiet then....and I'm still trying to control my hiccups...I think I had the loudest hiccup every in the quiet church of Notre Dame. Ashley and I got a great laugh out of this and continued on...

Today at lunch, we stopped in a corner cafe to order paninis. Well, I think the girl working thought I spoke French because I greated her in French. I attempted to order a combo meal..panini, salad, and drink or desert. I ended up with a panini, cous cous, canteloupe, and a coke. Then at the end of ordering, she asked me if I wanted to pay for all of it together. I had no idea how I ordered what I ended up with but we still enjoyed lunch and haven't gone hungry yet.

So, we're off to enjoy a relaxing evening after a day of walking....

We head to London on Friday and back to Ireland on Sunday.

Just a short one

Just wanted to post a short blog to let ya'll know I made in to Ireland. Michelle accompanied me to the airport yesterday. Thank goodness because it was quite the walk through the airport to get to the terminal. My dislike for O'Hare grew even more yesterday. I'm definitely a Midway girl....get off CTA, follow the orange line and walk directly to security. None of this take this walkway, get on this tram, go up 5 escalators, walk down here, just to get to the ticket counter.

Anyways...

Ashley and I made it safe and sound to Ireland at 8:30 this morning (2:30am Central Time). We took an hour power nap on our flight to Donegal but other than that have yet to crash.

We had a 6 hour layover until our flight to Donegal so we dropped our luggage at All Hallows and went to explore. We found our way to Dublin City Centre from Drumconda today. We had quite the adventure figuring out the streets, bus system, and finding the things we needed. We almost got hit by a large van. Partly our fault because we didn't see the cross walk sign and for an instance forgot that people drive cars on the other side of the road.

We're in Donegal until Tuesday visiting with Ashley's friend, Jessica, and her husband, John. Dublin feels very much like Boston and Philly. Donegal is hills and water--my kind of Ireland. It's absolutely beautiful. Jessica and John live at the hill head of their lane so you can look out and see the bay, lock, or ocean--whatever they feel like calling it that day.

Time to shower, take another power nap and head out for an evening in Derry...

Feel it in my bones

It's Jenny...thought I would post before leaving for the airport today.

It's finally here. The day I leave for Ireland. I've been waiting a long time to travel to Ireland and travel outside of the country. Since college, I tried to plan trips to visit Europe and start seeing the world. But, they always fell through. My sophomore year of college, I registered for a religion class offered during Christmas break in Paris. The summer before the school year, CBU cancelled the trip because the professor moved to another position with the Christian Brothers and no longer taught at CBU. He wanted to do the class via email prior to Paris, but that didn't happen. CBU changed the class to an Art History class, which I did not need that credit. As a bio major, I rarely took classes I didn't need until my second semester senior year when I had the time too. Anyways, I was a little heart broken I wouldn't get to Paris but knew I would eventually travel.

My senior year of college, my friend Colleen and I decided that it would be a lot of fun to take a month after graduation and backpack Europe. We decided that after fall break, we'd start planning and saving. Well, fall break came and that dream got put on hold. Over fall break, Colleen got kicked off a horse and fractured her skull. Our plans of planning a backpacking trip changed into hanging out at the hospital with Colleen. No worries, some day we'll backpack together.

So, here I am a few years later and 6 hours from departing for my trip to Ireland and first time out of the country. Ireland holds a special place in my heart and life. My great-grandparents immigrated from Mayo County so being of Irish descent is prominent in my family. I'm also German and Native American courtesy of my mom's side. But, I know the most about my Irish roots and my family spent a great deal of time researching our family history and genealogy. I'm excited to go see where my great-grandparents came from and appreciate the sacrifices they made to move to America because if they hadn't who knows if I would be alive today getting travel there.

Another phrase we use quite often is "I feel it my bones it's going to be good."

That's the feeling I have today and have had since I decided in October '08 to go to Ireland this month. I have no expectations except to do something I haven't done before and get it to see with my eyes and take all in with my 5 senses.

I'm a believer that things happen when they're meant too. So, now is my time to go to Ireland and travel abroad....

Bon Voyage!